Want to become Cabin Crew?


1. Go to a charity shop and find an old, navy blue suit that an army sergeant might have worn. Add a white shirt and a tie. Wear the same outfit for four consecutive days, every week all year long.
2. Go to an airport and watch airplanes take off for several hours. Pretend you are standing by for them and they are full. Go home. Return to the airport the next day and do the same thing again.
3. Fill several large boxes with rocks. Lift them over your head and place them on the top shelf of a closet. Slam the door shut until the boxes fit. Do this until you feel a disk slip in your back. Smile.
4. Turn on the radio. Be sure to set it between stations so there is plenty of static. Turn on the vacuum cleaner and garbage disposal. Run them all night.
5. Remove the covers from several TV dinner entrees. Place them in a hot oven. Leave the food in the oven until it’s completely dried out. Remove hot trays with your bare hands. Serve to your family. Don’t include anything for yourself. Eat peanuts. Smile.
6. Serve your family a beverage one hour after they’ve received their meal. Make them remain in their seats during this time. Ask them to scream at you and complain about the service. Smile.
7. Scrounge uneaten rolls off the plates for you to eat two hours later when you’re really hungry. Smile.
8. Place a straight-backed chair in the closet next to the bathroom, facing a blank wall. Use a belt to strap yourself into it. Eat the stale rolls you saved from your family’s meal, preferably while someone is USING the bathroom.
9. Ask your family to use the bathroom as frequently as possible. Tell them to make splashing water a game and see who can leave the most disgusting mess. Clean the bathroom every hour throughout the night. Drink stale coffee in the closet next to the bathroom. Eat peanuts. Smile.
10. Make a narrow aisle between several dining room chairs and randomly scatter your families shoes along the way. Turn off the lights and spend the night walking up and down the aisle while banging your shins against the chair legs and tripping over the shoes. Drink several cups of cold, stale coffee to keep yourself awake.
11. Stay up all night, then wake your family in the morning and serve them a cold, hard sweet roll. Don’t forget to smile and wish them a nice day when they leave for work or school. Ask them to berate you. Smile.
12. After the family leaves, take a suitcase and go out (preferably in winter) in the garden. If it’s not raining, turn on the sprinkler system and stand in the cold and wet for 30 minutes, pretending you are waiting for the crew bus to pick you up. Then go inside and wait by your bedroom door for ANOTHER 30 minutes while an imaginary maid cleans and makes up your room. Smile.
13. Change into street clothes and shop for 5 hours. Pick up carry-out food from your local deli. Go back home. Sit on your bed and eat your meal. Set your alarm for 3 a.m. so you’ll be ready for your wake up call. Smile.
14. Repeat the above schedule for four days in a row and you’ll be ready to work your first trip as an Cabin Crew member!

I came across this on The Flying Pinto’s Facebook page and thought it was very funny, although perhaps a little exaggerated! What are your thoughts?